how to make the worst baked beans ever

Start with a brand new recipe

Forget that your stove is running very hot (by 50 degrees F)

Forget that your upteenth-hand dutch oven cooks dry and you need to add moisture

Leave the house to run errands, return to a delicious smell

Open pot to discover a cement like blackened lump in the bottom of the dutch oven

I admit I actually tried to taste this. As soon as it got into my mouth I ran for the garbage. Spit it out. Into the compost mind you. Steve asked how it tasted. I licked my lips and realized the sauce (what miniscule amount was left) was actually pretty tasty and said so. But I warned him that the beans were inedible. He tasted it anyway, silly man. HE ran for the compost bin. He managed to somehow pry the stuff out of the pot into the compost bin and then let Tobi lick the pot.

I've decided that no matter how pretty this dutch oven is it has got to go. I'm thinking of taping a note to the bottom that says, "Do NOT cook in this, just admire it" when I drop it off at Goodwill.